is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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