If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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