You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize