i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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