I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize