I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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