tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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