Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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