I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
