How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
