ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
