Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
