Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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