I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
