South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
