I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
