Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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