So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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