did you get engaged???
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
