There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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