Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
