No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
