apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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