She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
