haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
