I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
