Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
