I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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