wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
