dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
