U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
