**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
