I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
