Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
