I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
