Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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