I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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