did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
