His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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