i think i have herpe
just one?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
