why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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