Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
