I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Randomize
