So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
