at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I think my nap took me to another dimension
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
