Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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