Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
