You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
