i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
