the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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