Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
