I just cut my nipple shaving
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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