he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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