Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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