How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
