I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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