I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
