hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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