Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
