a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
