he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
