Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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