her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
True strength comes from lack of pants
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
