Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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