So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
