Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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