Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
